I haven’t written on this blog for a few months because I stopped doing the Daily Bread Yoga retreats in April. I stopped doing the retreats (for the summer) because I am a lot pregnant and it just got to be too much; physically and mentally. It was exhausting and too physically awkward to do the physical yoga, and my brain has felt so very askew from horrible sleep and cR@zY hormones that I can’t think long enough to plan it. While this is all true and totally reasonable, I am not sure it has done me any favors.
I thought I needed a break; to sleep in, rest, do nothing. I needed a staycation, of sorts, from yoga.
But, it hasn’t been a staycation at all. It has been even further from a vacation (which let me tell you, a vacation is what I would like most of all). I have been irritable, just as tired, self-critical, and not feeling in anyway better for the break.
Lo and behold! Practicing, teaching, reading, and writing about yoga is in fact a discipline that keeps me together. By God, I think I even called this thing I do “Daily Bread Yoga” because I need a life sustaining (and crazy fighting) morsel of it every day!? huh. Not that yoga can transform all bad feelings or make the last weeks of pregnancy feel dreamy, but seriously — I KNOW it helps. Duh.
Santosha means contentment and the fruits of practice. Contentment is all I really want from a vacation, a staycation, or just any old day. Contentment. Doesn’t that sound so nice? Yes, contentment is the fruit of practice. And practice is what I have been missing.
I am due to have this baby on June 17th (yes, it does seem like I have been pregnant a very long time to me too) which will take my staycation down a special path for several weeks. But, lord have mercy, I pray for some contentment. I am reminded that contentment doesn’t actually come from doing nothing. Nor does contentment come from ice cream sandwiches, while they are quite nice. Contentment is the fruit of practice. So, I’ll do my practice. I think I’ll enjoy that ice cream sandwich with my feet up, doing nothing, even more, if I can know that sweet contentment.
I hope you get some contentment in your day too.
peace on your head,